Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Danny does San Diego

Welcome one and all to another trivial tale from your distinguished host Daniel (That's me)

As you may have gathered from the title today's story is of my trip to the 2010 San Diego Comic Con

Editor's note: The title is a homage to the classic "Debbie Does Dallas" and was originally slated to be named "Danny Does Diego" but sounding like a "Go Diego, Go!" fetish website wasn't the intent of today's blog, so we'll just be moving right along....

The San Diego Comic Con is an event like no other, in it's 41 years it has grown from a small gathering of comic's greatest gathering in a hotel lobby, into a world wide media and fan frenzy of unbelievable proportions. It's a living breathing city that overtakes San Diego once a year. Literally overflowing the streets with people and wealth like a spring time flood. It is the stage for once in a lifetime events and giant spectacles. This year was no exception with such sights as ...
The Con's complete takeover of the city. Hotels as giant advertisements, and entire stores and restaurants turning into interactive displays for movies and television shows.
Will Ferrell and "Brad Pitt" dressed in their best
Odin's throne and the gates of Asgard
Angelina Jolie taking a break from film and family to talk to her fans
The "pen stabbing" worthy anouncement and introduction of the Avengers cast
Gaggles and gaggles of fans showing their loyalties to their favorite characters
A pedo-bear sighting or two
And this year we were lucky enough to receive a visit from our friendly neighborhood West Borough Baptist Church
What Fred Phelps and his followers didn't count on though was the geeks protesting right back

West Borough decided not to come back surprisingly

So with all this grandstanding and hoopla going on just what did your auspicious author do? Well that's what we're here for today aren't we, so without further ado I present to you the Chronicles of the Canadian Cowboys

July 21, 2010

1:00 am
Me and the first member of our posse, Duggy my cousin, are pulling into the farms driveway. I text the other two posse members to let them know when they get here to make themselves at home since I still have to pack.

1:05 am
I open the front door and am greeted by "Way ahead of you Dan!".
I peer around the corner into the kitchen and see Jeff and Ryley's alcohol glazed gazes, raising a glass of beer in a toast to our upcoming trip

Editor's note: In no way does Blog O' Dan recommend or support pre-drinking before international flights ... unless you want hilarity to ensue, then by all means tip that glass back fellow air travellers

3:00 am
we're sitting in line for the customs agent when Jeff yells out "Dibs on the hot one!"

3:20 am
Duggy gets stuck with agent number 1, Ryley takes 3 and me and Jeff high five after getting number 2

4:30 am
My palms are sweaty, and my feet stepping nervously on spot. I feel like a young student eagerly awaiting that letter from Julliard, praying that it'll confirm my dreams. With a polite wave of a hand the guard ushers me forward and I open that metaphorical envelope and find .... disappointment.

Just like my doctor said the titanium in my head didn't set off the metal detector. My head hanging low I look to my left and watch as Jeff pirouettes through the detector.
At least one of us got what we wanted

5:20 am
I head to the airport bar to collect Jeff and Ryley.
"Hey guys we're leaving soon. Finish up your drinks and we'll head out"
"Umm, what?"
"Say it ... in asian"

"We're reaving soon?"

"That's better ... be there in a sec"

I'm starting to think pre-drinking was either a really bad idea ... or a completely sexcellent one

9:00 am
After a brief walk through their airport and the birds eye view from the plane we've come to a decision ...... we hate Arizona. Never mind the constant heat turning all metallic surfaces into a city wide game of "don't touch the lava" but it's also a very drab and colorless city. Only browns and greys exist in this desert outpost. It's a gay man's hell

12:00 pm
We've landing in San Diego and are checking into our hotel. I've just been informed that we didn't get two double beds and instead will have one king sized bed and a cot.

12:10 pm
I open the door to what shall be our home for the next few days. It's a lovely room with a flat screen TV, perfectly made king sized bed, fresh green plants and a great view of the harbor.

12:20 pm
There's a knock at our door, it's the maid with our cot. Ryley spies it from his vantage point sprawled across the couch, raises his hand and yells
"THAT BED'S THE WHACK-OFF BED! you need to whack off, you do it in that bed"
we're a very organized group

12:45 pm
After seeing the huge line for con pass pick-up we decide to look for a place to eat and come back later.

1:00 pm
the Rockin Baja is our choice of eatery. It's an alcohol serving, vaguely mexican themed restaurant. This was about when Jeff and Ryley decided to not eat anywhere else the whole trip, because they completely fell in love with their standard rate food, and not because the fell in love with the bubbly, buxom, bar waitress Eriana.
This was also about when Duggy's frustrations and torment at the hands of these two began

1:40 pm
Being ridiculed and bullied by the rest of the table for not finishing his meal, Duggy madly shoves the last half of his burger into his mouth. His frantic movement pauses as a serene look overcomes his expression while he attempts to chew this oversized hunk of meat and bun.
His eyes quickly bulge.
His meditation is broken as hands cover his mouth and he runs for the bathroom. Duggy is the first to puke
...... but won't be the last
Epic high fivery between me, Jeff and Ryley ensues

It's time now for another addition of ....
The BLOG O' DAN rewind!!!
I take you back now to a simpler time, when we were still reliant upon our primitive iPhone 3's and the world was just about to discover that Sigourney Weaver is way hotter as a blue alien cat lady

December 5, 2009
I'm registering for my comic-con pro-pass. The year previous my ex-girlfriend, Melanie, applied as a pro and used my address as her home address. Because of that I received her pro-pass in the mail and conveniently forgot to mention it's existence to her and .... WAA-LAA!!! Two extra free passes for Dan! The only catch was someone had to go down there as "Melanie". At the same time I needed a name to put down as my guest so I put down my then girlfriends name "Abby" figuring once we decided who would be my guest I'd just switch the name

3:30 pm
Me, Jeff, "Mel" and "Abby" having acquired our passes and free swag are off to find some form of entertainment till the show opens. In the distance we see a large inflatable Medusa. I'm pretty sure the convention organizers bought this at a giant novelty shop on the cloudtop next to Jack's fabled castle in the sky

4:00 pm
Turns out the Giant Medusa head was a beacon for a bunch of childlike games ... much to our gleeful joy!


Second gladiatorial event: TRAMPOLINE BUNGEE CORD THINGY!

While waiting for our respective turns on this ride, me, Jeff and Ryley decided that for the rest of the trip we would "Good game" Duggy as much as possible. For those of you not familiar with the "Good Game" allow me to explain. It's a slightly creepy and sexually confusing tradition among sports teams, where team mates slap each others usually bare buttocks and declare "Good Game"

And for the finale: GLADIATOR JOUSTING!
This is a game of wits and manly manhoodness! Two opponents smash each other with sticks until one of them falls to a shameful defeat!
Always the supportive posse me, Jeff and Ryley start taunting Duggy while he competes
"DUGGY!!! I swear if you don't win I'll take away your make-a-wish foundation wish from you and we'll head straight home!"
The concerned woman running the event turns to me and asks if that's true
"Yeah the little feller has no large intestines"
"That's so sad"
Duggy not seeming to appreciate our little lie, heroically jumps off the jousting arena hands outstretched in attempt to double "Good Game" both me and Jeff
Duggy trips and stumbles harmlessly away from our firm buttocks. Me and Jeff take advantage of this opprotunity

Having annihilated these challenges of the Titans it's time for a victory pose with our prizes
(A crown, some flimsy cardboard shields and a lovely paper fan)

5:00 pm
We're back at the Baja. Jeff and Ryley eagerly swivel their heads in a 360, seeking our previous waitress, Eriana.
No such luck

5:05 pm
We take our seats and are greeted by Catlin, a sweetly sexy server. And we watch as Jeff and Ryley's frowns turn right upside down

5:15 pm
Finally building up the courage after a plethora of curious glances, the lovely ladies at the table next to us ask us where we're from. I tell them we'll give them three guesses to try and get it right
Rockabilly gal tries the obvious "Texas"
Jeff, playing the helpful Alex Trebek, replies "No, more north"
Sporty Gal takes a stab "MONTANA!"
Jeff hints again "A little more north"
four pretty brows simultaneously furrow in puzzlement
at her wits end Classy Gal asks "What's north of Montana?"

5:30 pm
Duggy has lost his pass

5:45 pm
We've scattered in all directions, back tracking and turning over every stone in search of this lost pass. With no such luck Jeff checks the lost & found
"Hey my buddy lost his badge"
"Ok, what's his name?"

Multiple blinks of bewilderment follow
"He's scottish"

5:50 pm
I catch up to Jeff who's had no luck at the lost & found. He gives me the story of my "scottish cousin" and shows me to where I can buy a new pass for him. I decide on a slightly more sensible story and tell them I lost my girlfriends badge and need to buy a new one.

6:00 pm
I give my new "scottish girlfriend" his newly acquired badge and we head on into the con

6:30 pm
Finally in the con

7:15 pm
"Good Game Duggy!"

8:50 pm
finished with the con and back at the Baja. I've come to the conclusion that due to the nature of our badge names I'm the figurative father of this trip and Ryley or "Mel" is the figurative mother. Jeff then blurts out that he's the figurative Uncle that no one wanted to come along but invited himself on this trip anyways.

9:00 pm
Jeff has left for a smoke and Ryley's getting cash when Duggy starts heading to the bathroom
"Duggy! As your figurative Father I forbid you from leaving this table!"
"OH YEAH! Well as
your figurative rebellious daughter-"
"Wait! ..... why'd you say daughter?"

"Shut up! That's why!"

Hence forth Duggy is the self-proclaimed rebellious daughter of this trip

9:10 pm
Like the responsible figurative father that I am I've just seen my figurative daughter off to bed. And by that I mean I just sent Duggy home alone with a cabbie who's limited grasp of the english language was able to tell us
"I get you there, very fast now yeah?"

9:30 pm
There's karaoke at the Baja and we decide this is the perfect way to finish our first night off.

10:00 pm
I'm doing some catch up drawing when our waiter, Daniel, notices. He asks if I can sketch a "Dark angel guy" for him. I happily oblige his request and begin to doodle.

10:10 pm
Daniel the waiter winks at me as he passes by. I uncomfortably readjust myself, contemplating the uncalled for wink as Ryley and Jeff jeer me about my new found admirer

10:25 pm
I'm startled as a set of strong, virile hands settle on my shoulders with clear intentions of choking the precious life from my flawless neck. My soon to be killer lowers his lips to my ears as he whispers the last words I shall hear before the light flickers out of my intoxicatingly deep blue eyes

11:00 pm
Our first night over, we decide to turn in early having already accomplished so much in so little of time and to give ourselves some much needed rest before we turn the party meter all the way to 11. That's right ... to 11

And so ends our first foray at the Comic Con. Stay Tuned as we discover breakfast, Find a treasure chest full of chickens, Ryley's nipples make an appearance, and we make some American friends. That's next time on Blog O' Dan in the continued adventures of The Chronicles of the Canadian Cowboys!

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